| Memories... |
[09 Jan 2007|12:53am] |
Memories fill our mind,
And bring back days past.
But one must truly wonder,
How long do these memories last.
Memories of happiness and joy,
That bring a smile to the face,
These are ones you don't want to forget,
And would never want to waste.
But these memories fade fastest,
Unless you hold them tight,
Though your embrace may be a vice,
They often fade from sight.
Memories of sadness and pain,
That make your emotions ache,
Those of love lost and anger,
Of the many times of heartbreak.
You wish these memories destroyed,
To never recall them again,
But these memories will linger,
And never allow your heart to mend.
What of all memories,
Who governs which stay or go?
Is it you who is in control?
Or is your subconcious your foe?
Choosing which it wants,
Never letting you decide,
So for now you are it's slave,
Stuck on the endless ride...
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Plunge it deep
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| I...I can't... |
[23 Sep 2006|11:14pm] |
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It's so hard to watch Bleach, to listen to Dane Cook, to think about conventions, to think about certain bands, to think about certain people...I just...I can't...I just want to erase my mind...I thought I was clean...but then...Dammit all to hell...
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Plunge it deep
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| A poem... |
[23 Jul 2006|02:59am] |
What fate brings hearts together?
What cosmic force grinds?
What makes a life worth living?
How long will it take before lov is what he finds?
A man walks down a path,
He had walked this path alone.
But before him stretch two roads,
At the end of one he finds a home.
Inside the home is a father,
Holding his child with pride.
And beside him stands the mother,
Brushing a tear aside.
The child was born of their love,
Which sprang up from the ground.
The love that grew and grew,
With the sound of joy all around.
The family is complete,
The members are all there.
The parents watch their child grow up,
Until grey becomes their hair.
This house is one of two,
A choice one made long ago.
The wanderer goes back down the road,
And the other path he does go.
At the end of this path is a tombstone,
The sky above is grey.
The epitath is solemn,
And resounds with him to this day.
Here sleeps a man of sorrows,
One who could not shed his coil.
He lived his life in the past,
And now he is laid here in the soil.
This man could not find,
Whatever he did seek.
And thus he became lost,
And his future became bleak.
Oh those who read this stone,
Wary you must be.
Find what you need to find,
Before you end up like me.
The wanderer shed a tear,
For this forgotten man.
He walked back up the path,
And stared at his two hands.
What choice will I make?
Is what he thought in his head.
Will I be able to find what I want,
And not be alone when I'm dead?
This wanderer can be anyone,
He can be you or me.
We all have to make this choice,
And follow our own destiny.
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Plunge it deep
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| ... |
[18 Jul 2006|12:20am] |
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El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo. El mundo no es justo.
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1 Stab(s) through my heart| Plunge it deep
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| So quiet...so lonely... |
[06 Jul 2006|12:08am] |
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My house is so quiet...my mom, brothers, and sister have left for Turkey...and it's just me and my dad...but my dad isn't home...so I'm all alone...I find myself talking out loud...to no one...........*sniff*....So lonely...
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Plunge it deep
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| An update... |
[01 Jun 2006|01:00am] |
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Amo cómo a una muchacha me estoy no haciendo caso de que tengo gusto, algo sobre ella, nosotros apenas tengo tanto en campo común, aun cuando nosotros no he colgado hacia fuera en un rato, yo todavía tengo sensaciones para ella. Pero entonces otra vez, todavía tengo sensaciones para la mayor parte de la gente que he tenido gusto, yo me odio porque no puedo dejar para ir de cosas en mi pasado, él soy tan molesto. Deseo que alguien podría apenas venir a mí, me dice que tengan gusto de mí y no de la otra manera alrededor. I hate my life how it is right now...tanto ha ido mal...
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1 Stab(s) through my heart| Plunge it deep
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| Uh-oh....a livejournal post... |
[25 Apr 2006|01:35am] |
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I'm just...a shell...I know I have no right to say anything these days...at least I don't feel I do...but...I've been forgotten...I'm lost in the void...this purgatory that is living...Nothing can deliver my feelings to those that I care about...I'm just...a shell...Anything else I write would be more of the same...so...I'm going to sleep...
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2 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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| ... |
[19 Feb 2006|11:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
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| [ |
music |
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www.pandora.com - Motion City Soundtrack Station |
] |
Do you ever feel like fading away? Just...ridding the world of your pointless existence...cuz I do...y'know...All life feels like is just a series of repetitive motions...same shit different day...when I listen to music and read some comics...that's when I really feel like I'm melting into nothingness...I really wish I could do more...I probably could...but my life requires a lot more freedom to accomplish it...and I'm shackled to this damned town until I have the funds and the means to leave...My goal is to just move west...away from this East Coast haze...I'm sure it's a lot different out there...Hell...I'd settle with living in the city (new york that is...)...This post isn't emo...it's more pathetic...I really am alone in this world...I feel like now I just don't care...this world obviously doesn't want me or wants to justify my existence...so if I don't exist...then why care about the reprocussions of your actions? Why hold on to the past...why let it rule me? Though if my heart gets broken one more time...who knows what'll happen? Maybe it'll stay broken...and shatter into a million peaces...and finally I'll fade away...I really am a pathetic person...working on people...hah! Pathetic Cengiz...pathetic...they obviously don't care about you like you think...they'd just be happier living their lives without you...you...you pathetic creature...go play your videogames...go read your comics...go draw your cartoons...go watch your kids shows...they all look at you...seeing you as a pathetic being...do they know you? Do they want to know you? Do they think they know the true you? I think they don't...foolish people...what do you know? Ask me sometime...ask me who I am...instead of just talking to me like you know...why don't you hold the conversation sometime? Instead of having me be the one to poke and prod...acting like some puppy wanting attention...do you even know I'm afraid of dogs...even puppies...I'm very afraid...I think I'm slowly developing OCD...meh...my room is still messy...so I guess I'm not...I have to take a shower and shave tomorrow...be fresh...those D&D books haven't finished downloading...damn...if only the torrents would seed...I need to start drawing more...good thing I got that ruler...maybe I'll bring my How To Draw book to help me draw people...I've never been good at that...or perspective...damn perspective...I get paid Friday...a good chunk of change too...my sister wants me to get her an mp3 player for a belated birthday gift...I didn't get any gifts on my birthday...so should I let my spite affect how I treat others...perhaps...Hmmmm...let's see who reads this...and if they'll even notice...I'm gonna put a link to my lj in my AIM profile...so let's see if anybody check profiles methodically like me...J...I still like you...but you drink and smoke too much...so it'd never work out between us I think...those memories from Stevens were good though...going to play DDR and get lunch(ies)...people said we looked natural together...you weren't ready for any kind of dating then...but then I find out you went out with Charles Lee after I left Stevens...that was a slap to my face...hardcore...I was so frustrated with you...is it because he visited you a lot? I blame myself...and Ekmel...if only he didn't visit Ekmel a lot...then you two wouldn't have met...good thing you broke up with him though...I thought I'd try again...but you're never online...and if you are...you're away...so it's annoying...I'd call you but I'm very akward on the phone...and I'd text you but I don't want to get charged and yelled at...but whatever...look me up sometime...I'm told that I'm awesome...G'night everyone...I have class at 8:30 but it might get cancelled again...so who knows...I hope my alarm goes off and I wake up...I hope I don't turn it off...I hope I have enough gas to make it to CCM...Ciao...
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1 Stab(s) through my heart| Plunge it deep
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| I hate Valentine's Day... |
[13 Feb 2006|11:54pm] |
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The man who posts this entry...is a hollow shell...everything on the inside has been torn out...and left to rot...I look around...and all I see are painful reminders of things that fate has deemed me unworthy to have...Why am I tormented so? What have I ever done that was so bad as to mark me as someone who should recieve the scorn of the universe?...Every single time I try to look up...I'm smacked down...my vision is clouded by the haze of excuses and cleverly concealed lies...but I am no fool...Why can't I just be told what is wrong with me? I say this because obviously something must be wrong with me for me to be this way...I try my best...but where is the product for all my hard work?...All I'm given is pain...a horrid feeling...an ever engrossing emotion...I cry on my pillow...until it is soaked...but for what? Who will wipe my tears and tell me it's ok...? One can only hear something so many times before it loses all meaning...and just becomes another excuse...I am someone who just wants it to end...who wants to find a way out instead of going through all this...Can you feel what I feel? Do you understand what the word despair means? You say you can relate...but how can you know how I feel if you are not me? Just because the events are the same...or the circumstances are similar...does that make you me? I am me...and I know how I feel...If only I could love just once...then I can pass through life fine...Is love like a drug? If you feel it once...do you long for it more? I don't know these answers because I have not experienced it...I thought I did...I thought she did too...One of us didn't...As my final effort to grab on to it...I wrote her a poem...a poem filled with my emotions...but no...she would not accept what I was trying to give...she told me she didn't want to hurt me...but did she not know that in telling me that...she was hurting me the most? But no...the pain did not stop there...Lo and behold! She tells me that she has found someone to reciprocate those feelings with...Was he worth hurting more than I? Does she not care for his well being enough that she'd risk what she would not with me? What a fine joke life played on me...making me believe that the fault was not with me...But how else could this have happened if not for a flaw within me? Am I flawed? Am I flaw incarnate? I don't know the answer to this question because no one will tell me...But if they were to tell me...is it what I deserve? Will it make things right? How can you fix something if you don't know what is wrong? I want to fix me...but I know not the flaw that drives them all away...All I can do is wait...and meander through this eternal pain called life...until the pain fades away...
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Plunge it deep
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| It's been a while just to post a survey... |
[08 Jan 2006|01:48am] |
1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. what would you get me for my birthday (money is not a factor)?
14. what would you change about me?
15. i love youuu for doing thisss!
RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:
PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.
4. POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF!
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2 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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[11 Aug 2005|01:22am] |
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I just wrote a poem and my comp crashed...I'm so pissed...the basis of it is that I'm lonely as hell and kind words and lies don't work anymore...I'm so tired of it all...I just wish losing the will to live would make it all stop...just let it all stop...
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3 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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[03 Aug 2005|08:31pm] |
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I'm such a loser...I have interests a 10 year old would have...I have all kinds of baggage because I'm too pathetic to have confidence in myself...I'm always depressed but I hide it so nobody notices...I want a girlfriend but I'm too afraid to do anything about it because I'm afraid of heartbreak...I wouldn't be here if I didn't think suicide was selfish...I hate myself in so many ways...Why oh why can't anything go right...-_-...
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2 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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[13 Jul 2005|06:57am] |
I'm in a world that's cold and alone,
My own fears shake me to the bone,
I wish there was someone who could love me,
But the only one who loves me is a girl named Misery,
She feeds off my depression and many fears,
The one thing she hungers for are my sad tears,
She lingers over my head like a dark cloud,
And when her thunder cracks it's very loud,
Misery swirls around me like a snake around its prey,
And she's always gripped my heart even to this very day,
She squeezes the life out of it and wards off hope,
Only when I rest am I allowed to cope,
But in my dreams another spectre comes to play,
Her name is Pain and she comes when she may,
Pain haunts my dreams and shows me no remorse,
Dreams where I am nothing but a corpse,
The rain in the sky are the tears of old,
Her breath chills and makes the air deathly cold,
Is there no solace for a man like me,
Always plagued by Pain and Misery?
I fear that my fate is intertwined with those two,
As they twist me around like an old worn out screw,
I'll lie here and take their unending beating,
And hope that soon my life may have meaning.
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2 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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[10 Jul 2005|02:00pm] |
If you've never been at the bottom, you can't get to the top...If you've never been to the right, you can't go to the left...If you've never lost hope, you can't understand what is truly important...
--- Jim Walsh, from Harold Sakuishi's manga BECK
So awesome...
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2 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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| This poem is crap... |
[25 Jun 2005|11:07pm] |
I close my lights and lie in my bed,
While cloudy visions dance in my head,
I sit under a tree with leaves around,
While my ear catches a cheerful sound,
The voice of a girl who I'll never see,
The girl of my dreams who is always with me,
We sat on a hill with a view serene,
Whilst we picked the grass which was always green,
This girl and this place are only there when I'm nappin',
Because life and fate would not let this happen,
I'm a man who cupid has never met,
For someone to love is something I can't get,
I pride myself as a chivalrous man,
Someone who'd be with his woman whenever he can,
I've tried many times and to numerous I've confessed,
The answers are the same and were politely dressed,
My heart has been crushed smashed and destroyed,
All that is left is a limitless void,
I walk through life always wearing a mask,
So people close to me never notice and never ask,
Why can't I be lucky just one time,
Then I can rest easy and just be fine,
All this romance and love pent up inside,
I desire to give them a place to reside,
A place inside someone with a beautiful name,
Within the heart of a woman who'll give me the same,
For now I must wait and live with this pain,
And the occasional dreams with me in the rain,
The dream where I sit at that hill from before,
The same hill where the girl sat but where she isn't anymore,
I'm laughed at by fate and life for being so weak,
I sit there alone and let my tears flow down my cheek,
I wake up and turn over my tear soaked pillow,
And go back to sleep and cry under that willow.
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4 Stab(s) through my hearts| Plunge it deep
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